THE BORROWER - Some people ehn, I don't really know if it is lack of home training or Lack of NYSC training, they can borrow anything.
How will you come to camp and ask someone you just met to borrow you his sponge and bathing soap?
What if the person is unfortunate?
What if his village people are observing him on VAR?
These ones don't even want to know that there is limit to borrowing things.
You will borrow charger, slippers, bucket, detergent, brush, toothpaste, or just name it...
Is it that you were forced to nysc Camp ni?
Don't Sha goan borrow something Tha will reduce the megabytes of your glory.
BORROWERS x2 -
there are two sets here.
The first ones will borrow but will legit not return because it's in their blood, they lack NYSC ETIQUETTE 101.
But you see the other Anini's, the kleptos, this one can steal your soul if they get the opportunity.
How can you steal plastic spoon? Ahn ahn? Steal bailer, brush, toothpaste, clips, buckets, white shirts, pant n bra, cream, sponge and soap.
One day you will goan steal someone's personal effect that has been cursed. You wee know that madness is real.
Sha return my bucket and my bailer, you have made the join the first borrower gang.
OMO MUMMIES - these ones ehn, their case is special. It's not that they are from one rich family like that oh.
No oh, but they will be like "I can't eat kitchen food, I can't eat beans, I can't drink pap, I can't eat only one meat," whereas, them no dey use fish chop for house.
So we that our meal ticket has been ticked like PPA attendance, we are mad Abi?
You will be wasting your money at maamy market but you will still be borrowing bucket to baff - can you see that you mistakenly packed your village people in your luggage while coming to camp? No worry na
PHILANDERERS - when some people were coming to camp, they had 2GB of destiny, but when they are going back, I pray they still have 25MB. they are always jumping from one girl to the other.
You will see them at mammy water with efom, you will see them in the hall with titi, and still see them at the red cross shade with Rita. Oshey trinity corper, 3 - in - 1 otondo.
Your 1,800 na woman collect am. You collect bicycle allowance na woman collect am. We don't need an herbalist to know that your allowee will follow yansh.
We that have decided to look away from all immoralities, are we mad?
SPRING ROLLS - you will see them in red cross, quarter guard, band, parade, dance and drama, SAED, WAED, Carol, debate, sanitation, platoon leader, hostel president, security...
Uncle easy, NYSC is not running away now.
What if you collapse? One step at a time now. You lack focus, ehn, you lack focus.
Pick something and do it very well, don't goan be uselessly filling spaces, hence, stopping people who would make better impact look from the background.
Na this kain people you go give mic for worship ground and they won't pass it to the next person.
If you desperately want to work, AI hostel needs sweepers and cleaners oh...
WAY MAKER - these ones ehn, with all the restrictions and rules, they will still find a way to do it.
They can't hold body. If they are not dancing to that Naira Marley's popular song, they are finding the best Mammy spot for it. Besides, wait, how can you come to camp and fall in love to the point of doing It?
What is she's cursed, unfortunate, damaged, trapped, bewitched, enchanted?
For a girl to meet you in camp and allow you to do it, it's not normal, she's either an addict, a pervert or it's spiritual. But uncle just wants to enter any hole. Sha don't goan enter hole that has snake in it.
And if Lady Doris Eromsen catch you, sha know that the color of your cloth will change earlier than expected.
One word is enough for a corper.
ANGELINA JOLIE'S - the slay mama's, they Wan go man o war drill, they make up, them dey hot sun, they make up. Paint face, paint facts, paint figures like michelango.
You are coming to NYSC Camp with a massive WMD behind you, and yet, it's that short kit you could get?
Why is your short always entering into your office?
In case no one is telling you aunty, your short is transparent, we are seeing terrible things.
Some of us have home training but you have spoilt everything. If you dress decently, will you die? All because of Mammy Market.
Look sexy, not cheap. Well, what do I know?
(WMD is Weapon of Mass Destruction.)
THE MATRESS GANG - you think you have a sleeping talent? Then you have never been to an NYSC lecture. People are sleeping out here man.
If no be for NYSC officials wey dey enter guys, some people ready to sleep throughout a four hour lecture.
They tilt their head back, press their legs forward, put a cap on the head positioning it to cover the face and nose, or just use a sunglasses - yes, El Dorado here we come.
OBS PUNDITS -
"I am 3356 from platoon 6. I want to send a shout out to Victor, he's the highest goal scorer in platoon 10, I really have a crush on him, tell him 'I love you baby' for me"
Oshey eyan Granite crusher.
If your village people are not making fruit salad with your glory, You met someone in camp, barely 5 days, and you are already doing PDA (Public Display of Affection) on radio.
What happened to your bf in school?
He is on strike?
Later you will be shouting "all men are scum" after Victor has scored many goals and you still received a red card.
Abeg leave our Victor for us, make he know go play penalty go throw in.
Always texting OBS crushing on every body in camp.
IMITATORS - na this set I hate most.
Them go just stay behind the door start to dey shout "GET OUT, DOUBLE UP, WHAT ARE YOU DOING THERE."
So in your mind you are imitating soldier Abi.
Don't you have human conscience?
You go just dey wake person anyhow, they put unnecessary tension for person body.
If you don't desist from this act, don't lemme say God will trick you with a miracle. I dey vex.
PLEASE ADD YOUR OWN LOL
AS WRITTEN BY DARA AYODEJI MARVELOUS
TIPS YOU REALLY NEED IN CAMP.
Don't shout back at an officer - it's a trap.
Don't be unnecessarily proud. You don't know who you are talking to, don't be your own downfall.
Don't jump at every body, everyone will not be your friend.
Don't be lousy.
Be tidy, pick dirts, greet people, smile, be reserved and flatter people.
Don't steal, manage, you won't die.
Don't tell the camp director "I love you baby" she's your village people representative - you can be decorpered - sorry, dekitted.
AS WRITTEN BY DARA AYODEJI MARVELOUS
Okokomaiko Of Mass communication AAUA
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